Five years ago today, I was in the hospital in active labor trying to get my baby into my arms…and I never thought I would walk out, three days later, without her.
Life has never been the same. I, have never been the same.
Five years later and these days are still so difficult and emotional. I still have a tightness in my chest, fog in my brain and tears in my eyes.
Flashing back to those precious hours I had with her in the hospital. The only hours I ever got to hold and kiss her. Those memories are so painful, but so full of love. I wish I could be back there...
Sometime, within the hour she was born (10:15pm), Marly was taken from me. And it still feels so unfair. So unreal. Hospital staff tried to save her. I tried to go with her. But neither worked.
Five years later and questions like “how many kids do you have?” are still tricky to respond to. No matter what, it seems awkward & uncomfortable. I mean, how to you casually tell someone about your kids, but one died? But at the same time, how do you leave her out of your response?
I can imagine her little personality and what experiencing life with her might be like. Getting pedicures. Going shopping. Having “girls’ days and trips.” Maybe she would be like me and just want to do whatever her brothers are doing?
Someone sang happy birthday today, but it wasn’t for my daughter, it was for someone else’s daughter. I heard them singing and celebrating; treats were passed out. Teenage girls just being teenage girls.
We sang happy birthday today, to my little girl. And I will continue to celebrate her birthday and her beautiful soul; forever. She is so deserving of celebrating and attention and love; just like all children are.
Five years since I first laid eyes on my little girl. And five years closer to when I get to again. Happy 5th birthday Marly girl!
“I have so much of you in my heart.”
